Weaving the theme of belonging, meaning and hope, I recall Tolstoy’s opening line in Anna Karenina: ‘All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way’. My brother Paul banished from home in his teens. My brother David vanished in his teens, his whereabouts unknown. ‘The family that prays together, stays together,’ says my mother, missing the irony of my two absent brothers. She warns me that if she turns against someone, ‘that’s it’. Frightened of being treated like Paul and David, I seek solace in religion. A Christian Brother sexually abuses me. Another brutally beats a boy for not understanding a school lesson. Religion was part of the air I breathed: at home, in school, in my parish of Donnycarney. On a contemporary note, I suggest again the benefits of online Humanist ceremonies during the Covid19 pandemic.
Pandemic of Religion Beliefs infect children’s minds
In this second episode of Losing My Religion, Joe Armstrong compares our propensity towards religious belief to our vulnerability to Covid-19, especially when exposed to religion in early childhood. He explores how religious beliefs seeped into his mind as a child, given his family and 1960s Ireland. He also shares a funny tale of his recent purchase of a caravan, its close encounter with a gate post, a steep hill and a raging river! Joe also considers the benefits of online Humanist ceremonies given the ongoing uncertainties of Covid-19.
New Podcast: Losing my Religion
In this first podcast I discuss Humanist weddings under lockdown and the prospect for all weddings for the foreseeable future. I also read a short extract from my memoir.
Joe Armstrong discusses Humanist weddings – and all weddings – during lockdown and the prospect for weddings for the foreseeable future. Weddings are dangerous places. It’s no accident that they are amongst the last activities to be considered in plans to reopen economies.
Covid19 is highly contagious. There is no vaccine. Gathering people together even for a ceremony is highly risky. Could the day of the big wedding be gone for several years?
Scientists know that two metres is safer than one metre and yet many couples are hoping that the social distancing requirement will be reduced to one metre. But even if that is allowed, it won’t be safer merely by being permissible – if it does become permissible.
Loud singing, and musical instruments blowing tiny particles into the air, or guests laughing, singing or clapping, as so often at my ceremonies, also heightens the danger of covid-19.
The number of guests gathered, often from many different households or from abroad, makes it crazily risky.
Then there are the risks of shared pen for signing, a shared microphone, rituals involves proximity of guests. Nice rituals like passing the wedding rings around your guests so they can wish you all the best is out of the question with covid – as it’s a sure way to pass the infection.
And then the celebrant can be put in an awkward position if a couple insists on doing something which the celebrant knows is risky; a ritual or practice that exposes guests – and their contacts – to greater hazard.
And of course weddings are about connecting with people – hugs, kisses, handshaking – all practices which should not happen during a pandemic. And as summer turns to winter, increasingly weddings will be indoors.
And indoor gatherings have a higher concentration of the virus. The viral load can make such happenings very dangerous.
Moreover, with increasing evidence that covid-19 may be airborne, then even two metres won’t protect people from breathing in tiny viral droplets expelled from people’s breaths, especially in an indoor space.
My advice to couples is to reimagine their ceremony. Have far, far fewer people in attendance. Others can watch on a webcam, whether in another room or in their homes.
I urge couples to reconcile themselves to two metre social distancing for most people at the wedding ceremony. It’s safer. Why would anyone want to risk someone getting seriously ill or dying because a couple would prefer more people seated closer together at a wedding ceremony.
We live in a new world. Everything has changed. A smaller wedding can be more intimate, more meaningful, less exhausting. It can be more affordable. Kinder to the environment with fewer people travelling to it. It can help you to focus on the most important things about your wedding: committing to each other in love.
Covid for all of us is an opportunity to reconsider our values. And what is most important in life. Celebrating your love. Committing yourselves to each other, in a loving, meaningful ceremony. Having, if possible, your very closest family and friends with you on the day. Keeping it small, safe and simple. Kinder on your pocket. Better for the environment. Safer for the health of everyone.
Covid Earth
Covid Earth
by Joe Armstrong
Life, as we know it, has changed.
Humanity is humbled by a microbe.
This morning, I look at the sky, beautiful and blue.
I hear birdsong.
I breathe.
I, for now, am one of the lucky ones.
Inhaling breath, exhaling, inhaling.
Alive, healthy, breathing still.
The earth breathes too,
Much of it relieved by our humbling.
Demand lessened, growth stalled,
The earth made blue again
By our demise.
Joe Armstrong © 2020
Picture Source: www.pickpik.com/
I wrote Covid Earth a few weeks ago. Covid-19 has changed all our lives. It has caused us to stop and reflect. It has disrupted our plans and cleared our diaries. It has stopped or slowed the frenzy in many people’s lives.
No wedding is worth the death or serious ill-health of anyone. Covid-19 has tested our values. It invites us to reconsider what is most important about our big day. It is an opportunity for each of us to review our lives.
It gives us, the lucky ones who are still alive, time. It confronts each of us with the inevitable reality our mortality. Each of us will die. Some monks dig clay from their grave every day. It isn’t morbid. It’s truth.
I have finished a book during lockdown – writing one, that is. I’ve read plenty too.
I also downloaded and filled in the Think Ahead template. It will make life easier for people whenever I kick the bucket – which hopefully won’t happen for a long time yet! I suggest you download the editable PDF – it will make it easier for you to update it every year or so. And don’t forget to share it with your loved ones. It’s really for them that you are doing it.
There is a lot positive to be gained from lockdown. Who knew that birds sang so loud! Less traffic on our roads. More silence. For the lucky ones, time spent with loved ones.
For me, it has been good to remember what I love to do: write for a living and conduct Humanist ceremonies.
Famine
Famine
by Joe Armstrong
Famine. Famine. Can I imagine it?
Famine. Either a feast or a famine.
Feasts I know. But famine?
Work drying up, the closest I know. Money tight. Or doing a fast, perhaps.
But famine. Famine!
Hunger. I’ve been peckish for a meal. But everyday persistent aching hunger?
Hunger. Countrywide hunger. A nation on its knees.
Beggared. The shame of hunger. Unasked for. Not chosen.
Crops fail. Shock. Fear. Courage! We are strong.
Crops fail again. And again.
Soup kitchens. Food parcels. No money for rent.
Disaster.
Bodies shrink. Tall emaciated figures on Custom House Quay in Dublin: our ancestors.
Children dead. Relatives dead. Neighbours dead.
The boat to England, America, anywhere away from this godforsaken land of hunger and famine.
Famine.
Can we imagine it?
Joe Armstrong © 2014
Famine. Famine. Can I imagine it? Written by Joe Armstrong, it was first delivered in the presence of dignitaries including Taoiseach Enda Kenny TD at National Famine Commemoration, Strokestown Park, Co. Roscommon, Sunday 11 May 2014. Broadcast on RTE television.
Note on Famine. Famine.
Famine. Famine. Can I imagine it? I tried to visualise what it was like to be destitute during the Irish famine. It left such an indelible scar on the Irish psyche.
Compared to the famine, the Covid-19 lockdown of 2020, while tragic, stressful, worrying and fearful for so many people, is of a different scale to the Great Hunger. A million of us are not dying. A million of us are not emigrating. Most of us are well fed, clothed and housed compared to the catastrophe of the Irish famine.
Our ancestors hadn’t enough food to stay alive. Many of us are putting pounds on during lockdown. Tens of thousands of our ancestors were destitute. Most of us have the protections of the State to assist us, such as the Pandemic Unemployment Payment. We stand in compassion with all who suffer and with gratitude for all that we have and are.
Joe Armstrong on Shannonside Radio
What is Humanism?
What is Humanism?
Shannonside Radio interviews Joe Armstrong
What is Humanism? Joe Finnegan asked Joe Armstrong on Shannonside Northsound Radio yesterday 20 November 2018.
What is Humanism?
Being ethical without God. Not feeling the need to believe in an afterlife. Celebrating the wonder of life. Realizing the shortness of life and the need to live life to the full. Living your life well today rather than hoping for a life after death. Outgrowing religious beliefs and stories. Becoming a responsible, rational, compassionate, inclusive adult.
Humanist ceremonies
In Humanist ceremonies, couples and families choose rituals that are personally meaningful to them. They choose readings about love, marriage, friendship, commitment, fatherhood, motherhood, life and death. They choose music that resonates with them. It is all about them: personal, relaxed, meaningful and inclusive of everyone in the room, regardless of their philosophy, religion or worldview. Whoever you are, wherever you’re from, whatever you believe, whoever you love.
Humanist voices
Humanist celebrants create and conduct Humanist weddings, Humanist funerals, Humanist baby naming ceremonies. We speak at commemoration ceremonies, inauguration ceremonies, small intimate family occasions and grand televised State occasions.
Humanist communities
Humanists gather at local and at national levels, often on a monthly basis. For more details see the website of the Humanist Association of Ireland
The interview followed on from the 25th anniversary of the Humanist Association of Ireland. Leading members of the HAI which were received by the President of Ireland, Michael D Higgins at Aras an Uachtarain to mark the occasion. Also, chairperson of the HAI Steve Rawson spoke at the inauguration of President Higgins on 11 November.
Here is a link to my interview: https://www.shannonside.ie/podcast/the-joe-finnegan-show/listen-humanist-association-ireland-celebrates-25-years/
Please vote Yes in the Blasphemy referendum
Please vote Yes to remove blasphemy as a crime in Ireland’s referendum
Socrates and Blasphemy
Please vote Yes to remove blasphemy as a crime in Ireland’s referendum on Friday 26 October 2018. The supposed crime of blasphemy was the ‘crime’ for which Greek philosopher Socrates was sentenced to death. Why? Because the religious people of his time did not like what Socrates was saying.
Socrates called people to know and understand themselves. To ask questions, to question the status quo. His questioning undermined the credibility of the religious beliefs of his day and, by implication, the religious leaders of his day who imposed silly beliefs on credulous people.
Christians and Blasphemy
In time, the Christian churches accused each other of blasphemy and they sentenced to death people from opposing religions, burning at the stake those ‘found guilty’ of blasphemy.
In some Islamic states today, people, including Christians, are still condemned to death for the ‘crime’ of blasphemy, inducing fear in others, solidifying the lies of religions among societies who dare not question or speak their minds.
Jesus accused of Blasphemy
‘Holy’ religious people have long condemned people of other faiths and none to death. Remember Jesus too was accused of blasphemy, if we are to believe the New Testament.
Blasphemy is a ‘crime’ where one group of people impose their religious beliefs on others, accusing someone of blasphemy when something is said to ‘offend’ believers. It is a classic ‘crime’ whereby people believing in nonsense wish to punish those who dare to question the lies they live by.
Please Vote ‘Yes’ to remove it
Socrates, Jesus, Protestants, Catholics, and people of many faiths and none have been deemed to have committed the ‘crime’ of blasphemy.
People of Ireland. Stand up for truth. Please vote ‘Yes’ in the referendum to remove blasphemy as a crime from the Irish Constitution. Thank you.
Surprise wedding at Humanist naming ceremony
Surprise wedding at Humanist naming ceremony
A surprise wedding at a Humanist naming ceremony was described by a guest as “the best wedding I was ever at”. He said it was “so different from start to finish”. It was “really intimate and emotional” and, he concluded, “It was the first wedding I was at where there was a bouncing castle, a sing song around a campfire and four or five baby monitors on the table while we all had a few drinks”.
Kate and Shane’s newborn daughter Riley, named at the Humanist wedding and naming ceremony
Kate and Shane getting married at their surprise wedding. The Humanist wedding and naming ceremony was conducted by Joe Armstrong
The baby naming and surprise wedding was conducted by Humanist celebrant and legal solemniser Joe Armstrong at The Silver Tankard restaurant near Kells in County Meath, Ireland, on 22 July 2018, when bride Kate married groom Shane, and the couple named and welcomed their daughter Riley into their family and circle of friends.
A very chilled out affair
“One of my favourite photos from the day is our kiss and Jack milling around with balloons,” said bride Kate
Kate said, “We had an absolute ball. The whole day & night that was excellent. A very chilled out affair. The ceremony was excellent and everyone really enjoyed it. One of my favourite photos from the day is our kiss and Jack milling around with balloons.”
Jack is their first born child, who had been named and welcomed into the family at a Humanist naming ceremony at their home previously, also conducted by Joe Armstrong.
“We held a naming ceremony last year in our house for our son Jack and we loved it,” Kate recalled when she approached Joe about the second naming ceremony. Because of the earlier naming ceremony, none of their guests suspected that they would also be getting married when Kate and Shane invited them to Riley’s naming.
Why the surprise wedding?
Kate and Shane, with their marriage Witnesses Fiona and Gearoid and Humanist celebrant Joe Armstrong
“So the surprise wedding,” says Kate. “I never wanted a big day. And Shane doesn’t like attention on him either so we were never going to have a day where we had 150+ guests.”
So Kate and Shane decided upon the surprise wedding and have it part of Rileys naming day. “Who would you have at your child’s naming day that you wouldn’t have at your wedding?'” asked Kate. No one. So it was the perfect opportunity to do it.
“I hate all the politics of a traditional wedding,” she added. “Oh you have to invite this one, if you’re inviting them, and then you have to invite these others. I always said if I ever got married I didn’t want anyone there that I didn’t want there.”
Avoiding the ‘drama’ of a traditional wedding
“Secondly,” mused Kate, “where were we going to have the wedding if it was a traditional one? If it was in Meath, all Shane’s family and friends had to travel and pay for accommodation. If it was in Kerry, all my family and friends would have to pay for accommodation and then if we were to get married in the middle of the country then both sides had the expense. That was a huge part in our decision of the surprise. We didn’t want to put people out or have any extra expense on them. We weren’t fussy about it and really didn’t want other people to get caught up in the ‘drama’ of a wedding.”
Kate and Shane, with son and daughter Jack and Riley after the Humanist wedding and naming ceremony
Engaged
“So we just got ‘engaged’ that morning,” – the morning of the wedding – explains Kate. “I think that’s why it was such a shock too. No one expected it at all because we weren’t even engaged. We told everyone we had gotten engaged and to meet us at the bar at 12.30 for a celebratory drink. So I wore a dress up to the Tankard and then changed into my jumpsuit when everyone went into the function room. The photos are from that morning in the Front Bar just before the ceremony.”
Kate and Shane at the Silver Tankard where they announced their engagement immediately before their wedding and naming ceremony for their baby daughter Riley. Firstborn Jack with back to camera!
Humanist wedding and naming ceremony
“I loved the ceremony from start to finish,” says Kate. “Everyone was so emotional. It was perfect. The whole day everyone was just in shock and awe. People really listened and took heed of what was taking place and going on, not like a traditional wedding where it’s the same thing over and over.”
That’s what it’s all about – family and kids
“I loved how the naming aspect was incorporated into the overall ceremony too,” recalls Kate. “The lighting of the candles was just perfect. The way our parents lit our candles and then we lit our unity candle and then just at that moment Jack was up to relight his with us and then we lit Riley’s candle. That’s what it’s all about for us. Family and kids.”
She continued: “I loved how Jack was up and down to us, playing with the balloons and going from us to his grandad. The ceremony was so relaxed with plenty of jokes throughout and we have so many photos of us smiling and joking. I think if it was a big wedding or a church wedding it would have lost that intimate feeling where everyone already knew each other and were comfortable. There wasn’t anyone there that hadn’t already met before. Thanks again!”
To contact Joe about creating and conducting your Humanist ceremony, click here
To read hundreds more excellent reviews from Joe Armstrong’s ceremonies, click here for feedback from weddings and some more here: https://humanistweddings.ie/?s=reviews. For more on naming ceremonies, click here for feedback from other naming ceremonies
The Gratitude Attitude
The Gratitude Attitude
The gratitude attitude changes lives. It helps us to live in this present moment. This ‘imperfect’ moment. Imperfect is all we’ll ever have. Perfection is an illusion. It crushes us.
Gratitude attitude changes lives. This present ‘imperfect’ moment is perfect!
Gratitude is the opposite. It helps us ease past our illusions about perfection. We become attuned to here and now. We have, in this moment, more things to be grateful for than we could count or imagine. A day will come when we would love to have all that we have and are now.
Listen.
I listen to birds cooing outside my window. I breathe – now there’s a thing that won’t always be the case. I am aware. That too will pass. I can type and read and listen. There’s the clock ticking. The sound of the keyboard as I type. Pigeons sound again outside. Now I hear my breathing.
Humanist celebrant
Today I marry a couple. What a wonderful way to earn a living. Each couple is different. Each ceremony is different. Each gathering of guests is different.
People enquire about my services and book me. We plan their ceremonies together. Hours are put in. Fifteen to 20 hours per ceremony of planning and action. It’s not a way to get rich financially but I can’t imagine a more personally satisfying profession for me: I love it.
Voice
It uses those nine years I spent in a seminary – though now, happily, without the magical thinking that I could no longer believe in. I tap into the skills I learned as a teacher – handling a crowd, responding to whatever arises, speaking. Someone told me in the last week – a guest – that someone sitting beside them had said they could listen to my voice all day. A voice for radio. And yes, I’m grateful, I do like my voice. Yet another thing that I mightn’t even think about that I’m grateful for.
Sight
Eyes, without which I could not type this nor drive to venues nor to meeting couples. My age: yes, in my mid-50s I love my age. Young enough still, luckily, to be healthy of mind, body and emotion. Mature enough to have seen quite a bit of life and having a certain wisdom mostly learned that hard way – by suffering and mistakes made.
‘Joe the Human’
Humanity. What a gift is that! A friend used to call me ‘Joe the Human’. I was very proud of that nickname. And that many years before I’d even heard of Humanism, let alone joined the Humanist Association of Ireland.
Gratitude. Yes, it is part of our nature and a good thing to strive for things. But it’s also important to pause and rest and be enveloped by the joy and fullness of each moment and for so much that we are and have.
To ask me to conduct your ceremony, click here
For more on the gratitude attitude, click here
A new secular take on the Prodigal Son, by Joe Armstrong
A guy decided it was time to leave the nest. He formed the view that he wouldn’t grow and develop if he just went on working with his Da and bro. Life was out there and life was short and fleeting. He seized the hour, asked his Da if he could have the inheritance that would come his way in later life and, to his delight, his Da supported him in his choice.
His Da was remarkably detached. He trusted his son, didn’t try to manipulate him to stay, gave him a heap of cash and the young man headed off, leaving home, heading off like Dick Whittington for London. He’d seized the hour. He was creating himself anew, decided things for himself, becoming an adult.
He lost his virginity soon enough and had a number of sexual liaisons. He explored his sexuality, mainly with women, and realized he was more straight than gay. He even met the woman he thought he might live with for life but it didn’t work out. He learned much about life, about himself and about growing up.
He got a job which he was good at and he went on learning and feeling more alive than ever before. He was obeying himself, making choices for himself, earning for himself and in search of the love of his life (he wouldn’t meet her for another three years!)
Then the financial crisis hit. He lost his job. He’d taken on more debt than he could manage. He had to hand back the keys of his house. He was skimping just to eat enough and after a few months of that he came to his senses and said, ‘Feck it, I’m going home. I’ll touch base with Da and start again from scratch.’
His Da, ever detached (in a good way), ever supportive, said ‘Sure, son, come on home until you get yourself sorted. You’re always welcome here.’
His Da threw a party for him, celebrating his son’s decision-making, his adventures, and his return home to recalibrate his life.
His brother, who had never made an adult decision in his life, was well-cheesed off by all this. Fooling himself into thinking that his cowardice to live his life, make his own decisions and take his chance in the world was a virtue rather than the vice that it was he said to his Da: ‘Here I am slaving for you on the minimum wage for the past decade and your other son comes home broke from all his galiivanting and you welcome him home and throw him a party.’
His Da said. ‘I love you, son, no more and no less than your brother. You chose to stay. You knew the wages. It was your choice. You knew you could have earned more by taking your chance in the world. You could have trusted yourself and left home and been willing to make some mistakes and learned to live with the consequences of your decisions. I respect your choice, just as I respect your brother’s. But don’t blame me or your brother if you die without ever feeling that you have really lived, without ever having taken some risks, without facing your fear of making mistakes and having to live with the consequences of your choices, which is what adults do. Don’t blame anyone. You alone decide.’
Joe Armstrong © 2018