Disaffection with HAI aired in Newstalk interview

IN an interview with Andrea Gilligan on Lunchtime Live on Newstalk, Wednesday 23 March, 2022, I aired my personal disaffection with the Humanist Association of Ireland.

No Church has a monopoly on Christian weddings

I said: ‘Just as, for example, within the Christian community, there are loads of different churches and denominations, and the Catholic Church isn’t going to say no the Lutheran Church can’t do a legal wedding and Baptists can’t do a legal wedding. It would be outrageous.’

No Humanist body should have a monopoly on Humanist weddings

‘And in the same way the Humanists should also welcome other Humanist groups to have the same legal authority to legalize weddings.’

‘They shouldn’t seek to have it as a monopoly for themselves because that would be really against the values of equality and inclusiveness and reason.’

‘It should be an open thing. More groups should be allowed to do it.’

‘It shouldn’t be something that’s a monopoly of the Humanist Association of Ireland. And it would be a shame for Humanism if they were to grasp and hold on to that for themselves.’

The General Register Office should recognize other Humanist bodies, since the rich tradition of Humanism stretches over continents, cultures and millennia and cannot be the exclusive right of just one registered company in Ireland.

If and when the GRO recognizes other Humanist bodies, as I hope they will, it will be good not only for Humanism but also for the Humanist Association of Ireland.

Difficulties with direction of HAI

Interviewer Andrea Gilligan asked: ‘How is business, Joe, for you?’

I said: ‘To be honest, Andrea, I’m kind of on my way out of ceremonies.’

‘I’ve been doing it a long time. I was nine years studying for the priesthood (and as long as a Humanist celebrant) and the longer you’re at it, you see different things.’

‘I feel it’s gone too commercial’

‘So, to be honest with you, I would have difficulties with the direction being taken by the Humanist Association of Ireland. I feel it’s gone too commercial.’

‘For example, if I were do a free ceremony – every so often I would do a free ceremony – and the HAI want their cut. And I just think that’s ridiculous.’

Need for other GRO-approved Humanist bodies

‘So I feel increasingly uncomfortable within the Humanist Association of Ireland, which is why I would like there to be other Humanist bodies which were authorized by the General Register Office to conduct legal marriages.’

Trust your Doubt

Speaking of my indoctrination into religion from childhood, I said that I wished that someone had said to me to ‘Trust your doubt’.

Doubt is the beginning of wisdom, not faith in an imaginary god.

Joe Armstrong on Shannonside Radio

What is Humanism?

What is Humanism?

Shannonside Radio interviews Joe Armstrong

What is Humanism? Joe Finnegan asked Joe Armstrong on Shannonside Northsound Radio yesterday 20 November 2018.

What is Humanism?

Being ethical without God. Not feeling the need to believe in an afterlife. Celebrating the wonder of life. Realizing the shortness of life and the need to live life to the full. Living your life well today rather than hoping for a life after death. Outgrowing religious beliefs and stories. Becoming a responsible, rational, compassionate, inclusive adult.

Humanist ceremonies

In Humanist ceremonies, couples and families choose rituals that are personally meaningful to them. They choose readings about love, marriage, friendship, commitment, fatherhood, motherhood, life and death. They choose music that resonates with them. It is all about them: personal, relaxed, meaningful and inclusive of everyone in the room, regardless of their philosophy, religion or worldview. Whoever you are, wherever you’re from, whatever you believe, whoever you love.

Humanist voices

Humanist celebrants create and conduct Humanist weddings, Humanist funerals, Humanist baby naming ceremonies. We speak at commemoration ceremonies, inauguration ceremonies, small intimate family occasions and grand televised State occasions.

Humanist communities

Humanists gather at local and at national levels, often on a monthly basis. For more details see the website of the Humanist Association of Ireland

The interview followed on from the 25th anniversary of the Humanist Association of Ireland. Leading members of the HAI which were received by the President of Ireland, Michael D Higgins at Aras an Uachtarain to mark the occasion. Also, chairperson of the HAI Steve Rawson spoke at the inauguration of President Higgins on 11 November.

Here is a link to my interview: https://www.shannonside.ie/podcast/the-joe-finnegan-show/listen-humanist-association-ireland-celebrates-25-years/

Surprise wedding at Humanist naming ceremony

Surprise wedding at Humanist naming ceremony

A surprise wedding at a Humanist naming ceremony was described by a guest as “the best wedding I was ever at”. He said it was “so different from start to finish”. It was “really intimate and emotional” and, he concluded, “It was the first wedding I was at where there was a bouncing castle, a sing song around a campfire and four or five baby monitors on the table while we all had a few drinks”.

Kate and Shane’s newborn daughter Riley, named at the Humanist wedding and naming ceremony

Kate and Shane getting married at their surprise wedding. The Humanist wedding and naming ceremony was conducted by Joe Armstrong

The baby naming and surprise wedding was conducted by Humanist celebrant and legal solemniser Joe Armstrong at The Silver Tankard restaurant near Kells in County Meath, Ireland, on 22 July 2018, when bride Kate married groom Shane, and the couple named and welcomed their daughter Riley into their family and circle of friends.

A very chilled out affair

“One of my favourite photos from the day is our kiss and Jack milling around with balloons,” said bride Kate

Kate said, “We had an absolute ball. The whole day & night that was excellent. A very chilled out affair. The ceremony was excellent and everyone really enjoyed it. One of my favourite photos from the day is our kiss and Jack milling around with balloons.”

Jack is their first born child, who had been named and welcomed into the family at a Humanist naming ceremony at their home previously, also conducted by Joe Armstrong.

“We held a naming ceremony last year in our house for our son Jack and we loved it,” Kate recalled when she approached Joe about the second naming ceremony. Because of the earlier naming ceremony, none of their guests suspected that they would also be getting married when Kate and Shane invited them to Riley’s naming.

Why the surprise wedding?

Kate and Shane, with their marriage Witnesses Fiona and Gearoid and Humanist celebrant Joe Armstrong

“So the surprise wedding,” says Kate. “I never wanted a big day. And Shane doesn’t like attention on him either so we were never going to have a day where we had 150+ guests.”

So Kate and Shane decided upon the surprise wedding and have it part of Rileys naming day. “Who would you have at your child’s naming day that you wouldn’t have at your wedding?'” asked Kate. No one. So it was the perfect opportunity to do it.

“I hate all the politics of a traditional wedding,” she added. “Oh you have to invite this one, if you’re inviting them, and then you have to invite these others. I always said if I ever got married I didn’t want anyone there that I didn’t want there.”

Avoiding the ‘drama’ of a traditional wedding

“Secondly,” mused Kate, “where were we going to have the wedding if it was a traditional one? If it was in Meath, all Shane’s family and friends had to travel and pay for accommodation. If it was in Kerry, all my family and friends would have to pay for accommodation and then if we were to get married in the middle of the country then both sides had the expense. That was a huge part in our decision of the surprise. We didn’t want to put people out or have any extra expense on them. We weren’t fussy about it and really didn’t want other people to get caught up in the ‘drama’ of a wedding.”

Kate and Shane, with son and daughter Jack and Riley after the Humanist wedding and naming ceremony

Engaged

“So we just got ‘engaged’ that morning,” – the morning of the wedding – explains Kate. “I think that’s why it was such a shock too. No one expected it at all because we weren’t even engaged. We told everyone we had gotten engaged and to meet us at the bar at 12.30 for a celebratory drink. So I wore a dress up to the Tankard and then changed into my jumpsuit when everyone went into the function room. The photos are from that morning in the Front Bar just before the ceremony.”

Kate and Shane at the Silver Tankard where they announced their engagement immediately before their wedding and naming ceremony for their baby daughter Riley. Firstborn Jack with back to camera!

Humanist wedding and naming ceremony

“I loved the ceremony from start to finish,” says Kate. “Everyone was so emotional. It was perfect. The whole day everyone was just in shock and awe. People really listened and took heed of what was taking place and going on, not like a traditional wedding where it’s the same thing over and over.”

 

That’s what it’s all about – family and kids

“I loved how the naming aspect was incorporated into the overall ceremony too,” recalls Kate. “The lighting of the candles was just perfect. The way our parents lit our candles and then we lit our unity candle and then just at that moment Jack was up to relight his with us and then we lit Riley’s candle. That’s what it’s all about for us. Family and kids.”

She continued: “I loved how Jack was up and down to us, playing with the balloons and going from us to his grandad. The ceremony was so relaxed with plenty of jokes throughout and we have so many photos of us smiling and joking. I think if it was a big wedding or a church wedding it would have lost that intimate feeling where everyone already knew each other and were comfortable. There wasn’t anyone there that hadn’t already met before. Thanks again!”

To contact Joe about creating and conducting your Humanist ceremony, click here

To read hundreds more excellent reviews from Joe Armstrong’s ceremonies, click here for feedback from weddings and some more here: https://humanistweddings.ie/?s=reviews. For more on naming ceremonies, click here for feedback from other naming ceremonies

 

 

The Gratitude Attitude

The Gratitude Attitude

The gratitude attitude changes lives. It helps us to live in this present moment. This ‘imperfect’ moment. Imperfect is all we’ll ever have. Perfection is an illusion. It crushes us.

Gratitude attitude changes lives. This present ‘imperfect’ moment is perfect!

Gratitude is the opposite. It helps us ease past our illusions about perfection. We become attuned to here and now. We have, in this moment, more things to be grateful for than we could count or imagine. A day will come when we would love to have all that we have and are now.

Listen.

I listen to birds cooing outside my window. I breathe – now there’s a thing that won’t always be the case. I am aware. That too will pass. I can type and read and listen. There’s the clock ticking. The sound of the keyboard as I type. Pigeons sound again outside. Now I hear my breathing.

Humanist celebrant

Today I marry a couple. What a wonderful way to earn a living. Each couple is different. Each ceremony is different. Each gathering of guests is different.

People enquire about my services and book me. We plan their ceremonies together. Hours are put in. Fifteen to 20 hours per ceremony of planning and action. It’s not a way to get rich financially but I can’t imagine a more personally satisfying profession for me: I love it.

Voice

It uses those nine years I spent in a seminary – though now, happily, without the magical thinking that I could no longer believe in. I tap into the skills I learned as a teacher – handling a crowd, responding to whatever arises, speaking. Someone told me in the last week – a guest – that someone sitting beside them had said they could listen to my voice all day. A voice for radio. And yes, I’m grateful, I do like my voice. Yet another thing that I mightn’t even think about that I’m grateful for.

Sight

Eyes, without which I could not type this nor drive to venues nor to meeting couples. My age: yes, in my mid-50s I love my age. Young enough still, luckily, to be healthy of mind, body and emotion. Mature enough to have seen quite a bit of life and having a certain wisdom mostly learned that hard way – by suffering and mistakes made.

‘Joe the Human’

Humanity. What a gift is that! A friend used to call me ‘Joe the Human’. I was very proud of that nickname. And that many years before I’d even heard of Humanism, let alone joined the Humanist Association of Ireland.

Gratitude. Yes, it is part of our nature and a good thing to strive for things. But it’s also important to pause and rest and be enveloped by the joy and fullness of each moment and for so much that we are and have.

To ask me to conduct your ceremony, click here

For more on the gratitude attitude, click here

 

Still loving conducting Humanist ceremonies

I’m still loving conducting Humanist ceremonies. I love it to my core. Every couple at every Humanist wedding is different. Every family at each naming ceremony or civil confirmation ceremony or Humanist funeral is different. Being with people at such significant times in life is a privilege and honour. It’s wonderful when a ceremony touches the emotions, when there’s laughter and tears.

I do believe the only meaning in life is love. And so when a couple find love it’s appropriate for them to make their vows to one another in a personal ceremony which focuses on the human significance of this moment in the life of this couple. No two couples are alike. No two gatherings of guests are the same. Each ceremony is itself a singular moment.

Ritual is important in human life. Ceremonies mark rites of passage; turning points in people’s lives. They are never only about the people directly involved. In a naming ceremony, it takes a village to raise a child; so it’s good to recognize that reality by relatives and friends gathering together to celebrate the wonder of a new human life; and to name that new personality; to celebrate and pause and reflect and be thankful and to share meaning together.

When it comes to weddings, remember that two people are getting married and they alone should decide for themselves the type of ceremony they want. Choosing to do that can be a moment of maturity for the couple: they alone choose. It can sometimes be hard for the parents of a couple to let go. To trust their children. To respect their choice.

 

A lovely thank you for a Humanist wedding

A thank you is always welcome, soon or long after a ceremony. This lovely one arrived on 1 August 2017 (uploaded with permission of the bride):

Hi Joe,

I am almost embarrassed how long it has taken me to write this email to you. This is also the hardest thank you as I don’t know where to start and I don’t know how to put it into words just how amazing you made our wedding ceremony. I will give it my best shot though!

Our ceremony was by far our favourite part of our wedding day. It was everything we had dreamed of and more. A relaxed setting and a fun and welcoming atmosphere. Your ability to make people laugh, cry and feel at home still amazes us. The way you pick up on any mistake we or our readers had made and turned it around to make it funny and as if it was supposed to happen was what made the ceremony even more fun.

In our video, after the ceremony the guests are congratulating us, absolutely everyone who approached us made comments on how it was the best service ever, that was the best craic ever, such an emotional ceremony, that was great idea, that Joe lad is some craic, I want to do that for my wedding, I wish I had that for my wedding, I will never have a church ceremony after that…… The list goes on.

We had Thank You cards and endless texts and emails from our guests saying it was the best wedding they had ever been to and their favourite part was the ceremony, this to me says it all as when do you ever hear that? Normally people see the church part as the formal bit you need to get out of the way before you can start having fun, I myself dread going to the church part of a wedding!. As myself and James say, it wasn’t us that made it the best day ever, it was Joe Armstrong and Bellingham Castle. The only thing we done was make the two best decisions, to have Joe Armstrong as our celebrant and to have Bellingham Castle as our venue.

I remember on the day, making my way to the ceremony, forgetting I had to breathe, my mind panicking and feeling like I might just collapse, you came out and cracked a joke and from there I was relaxed and ready for the day!

So Joe, from the bottom of our hearts, thank you for giving us the wedding we have always wanted.

– Grainne and James – Humanist wedding conducted at Bellingham Castle 15 April 2016

You can see a video of Grainne and James’s Humanist wedding below. For many more examples of unsolicited praise received for Humanist wedding ceremonies click here.

HUMANIST WEDDING CEREMONY of Grainne and James conducted by Joe Armstrong,  Friday, 15 April 2016, at Bellingham Castle, Co. Louth. Video edited by Liutauras Kepenis (www.liutaspictures.ie Email: info@liutaspictures.ie 0857288202) and John Armstrong (johna.artstation.com Email:johnarmstrong3@gmail.com)

What are Humanist weddings like?

People who have never attended a Humanist wedding often ask me what they are like. Well, best listen to those who have had them! Read feedback post-ceremony from dozens of people whose Humanist marriage ceremonies I have been privileged to help create and conduct by clicking here.


4th time one of my Humanist weddings on OneFabDay

Yup, it’s the fourth time one of my Humanist wedding ceremonies has featured on One Fab Day. You can see selected pictures from it (and lots more by clicking on my Pinterest board) or by clicking on the OneFabDay link.